A Father's Pain
by jurawks
Summary: [OneShot] Elrond's thoughts as he witnesses Aragorn adn Arwen's wedding. Mental angst.


Note: Lizzie! waves Over here! Some mild romance for you!

Disclaimer: Don't own any of 'em

A Father's Pain

I watch silently from my position by the door.

She looks at herself in the mirror that reflects her long ebony hair tumbling to her waist gracefully, her beautiful blue eyes that hold knowledge of long ago, her perfect curves what could've led any woman to jealousy. Most of all, the mirror reflected the face of my daughter, Arwen Undomiel. Today, she will be united with her love, and there's nothing I can do about it.

She walks to the balcony and leans on the banister. I can remember when she did this, not too long ago when she first came to meet the ranger that will soon become her husband. The wind sweeps past gently and her hair floats in the breeze. The white dress she is wearing was specially design and sown by Elvish tailors. The crown atop her tresses reminds me of when I first set it on her head.

Behind my back, I fidget with my fingers, something I would not willingly let anyone set their eyes on, a habit of mine since I was an elfling. But that has long past. I have grown from that elfling into my prime years, have married and was gifted with three beautiful children. Now one of them, I am about to give away.

'_Adar_,' she says, snapping me out of my reverie. Her eyes hold concern for me, but I do not know if I care anymore. She is my daughter, and she will wed a man, a mortal! She is giving away her immortality, to spend just one lifetime with him. I call it a foolish decision, but it is her choice nonetheless, and I cannot do anything about it. If she willingly gave away her Evenstar to a man, then I cannot claim it back.

'_Adar_, what troubles you?' she asks. Valar, I wonder if I will ever hear her voice again after her marriage. For I know I will leave for the Undying Lands soon, and I do not know if she will be on of those who bids me farewell. Looking deep into her eyes, I can see a heart torn into two. She loves that man so much and wishes to spend her whole life with him, yet another part loves this old elf standing in front of her.

'Nothing troubles me, _rél nin_.' A lie I didn't have to make.

'_Adar_, please tell me. I do not wish to break your heart.' But do you not know, child? You have broken my heart. To know that you will lose your immortality is torture enough. And now, you have to ask me questions I do not wish to answer. Including the fact I will be the one to give you away, yet in my heart every fibre of my body screams to hold you back.

'You have not done anything to break my heart, my daughter.' Another lie. Do words mean anything anymore these days? From the day I came to know of her love for that one man, I knew deep in my soul there was no way I could hold on to her anymore. Selfish maybe, but I love her too much to let her go.

There is a knock on the door and a maidservant enters. Says she, 'Lord Elrond, Lady Arwen, the ceremony is about to start.' I nod. It is almost time. Then suddenly, she is in my arms, holding on so tightly, taking me by surprise. I wrap my arms around her, treasuring every moment, every minute, every second. I don't want to lose her. But knowing that I will, the best I can do is etch this memory into my mind forever.

'_Im meleth le, adar_.' She whispers.

'_A im meleth le_.' I say. I can feel my heart scream in pain at her words. She still loves me. But she loves him more. When will I feel her arms around my neck again? When will I hear her say those three words again? When will I ever feel the joy of hearing her say '_adar_' again? When?

'Lord Elrond, Lady Arwen, please. The time draws closer, we must leave at once.' The maidservant informs us. She didn't have to break the atmosphere, for I want to hold on tightly to my daughter once more, to shelter her from the harms of this world, to hold her close when she experiences another nightmare…

She pulls away, breaking my heart even more. 'It is time.' I offer her my hand, and she takes it, her slender fingers closing around my hand. Weather beaten hands, hands that have killed so many enemies, hands that have held my lady's children, hands that have seen pain, rejection, sorrow, joy, ecstasy and excitement. Silently, I thanked the Valar my daughter didn't have to go through what I went through.

We stand at our post, and I look down the aisle. I see the old wizard at the altar, I see my twin sons as best men, and I see the man she is about to wed. Sorrow takes hold of my heart and it takes my best efforts to hold back my emotions. I am an Elf lord, I must be brave, to face the people, for her.

I hear the sweet melody of harps playing a song, indicating for us to walk down the aisle slowly. I tear my eyes away from the man, and focus my vision on my daughter. She looks so beautiful, so serene, so calm. I feel her fingers tighten around mine and I hear her whisper, 'I will never forget you, father.'

It is the end. My heart shatters into millions of pieces, with no way to locate them all or even put them back together again. Those words…maybe she doesn't know it, but it brings back painful memories of the past. I remember my lady saying to me the exact same words as we stand at the altar, united as one. And now, it is my daughter's turn to say it.

As we reach the altar, I release her hand and put it into the man's. I say softly in Elvish, allowing only my sons and the man to hear, 'Protect her always. Keep her safe. She and her children.' He nods and I leave for my place of honour at the front row, beside my faithful friend Glorfindel.

He leans towards me and say, 'It is fine, _mellon nin_. It is her turn this day. As it was yours so many years ago.' I know that, my friend. But then and now were different situations. Then, there was no objection to my marriage with my lady for we were not breaking any customs. But in this case, it is one of those marriages where one would lose immortality and will never feel the joy of living eternal life dwelling only in peace and harmony with those of her same kind.

The ceremony starts and I begin to wonder why I'm sitting here anyway, watching her joy whilst my heart breaks. It is out of undying love that she willingly gave up the blessing for her people just to experience one lifetime with him. I vaguely remember her say to the man, 'I choose a mortal life.' Nay, I was not spying on their little reunion, I was merely passing by. She may never know of my presence then, she may never know the pain in my soul, but she knows that my love for her will never die. That itself is comfort enough.

'Is there anyone who wishes to express their objection to the uniting of these noble souls?' Asks the wizard. I can see his wise eyes looking into mine. I do not need to turn to know that Elrohir is sneaking peeks at me. I struggle with myself. On one hand, I do not wish to lose her forever. On the other hand, it is out of love that she stands where she is today. I have been in her situation before. I know the meaning of true love, and I will not rob her of knowing and experiencing that joy.

'If there is none, then this very day, let these two souls be united as one. Let no man rob their love for each other, let no man break their unity. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, King Aragorn Elessar of the Reunited Kingdom and his lady, Queen Arwen Undomiel.'

I hear thunderous applause around me, but I can only sit and watch numbly as Estel lifts the veil from her face and kisses her passionately. She returns the kiss. I look into the face of my twin sons and read their expressions. They are both ecstatic and the unity of their little sister with their foster brother.

I look at the wizard standing at the altar, and I can see approval in his eyes. Then I remember him saying, 'It is her choice, let her go.' And I will. I already have. She is now queen of the Reunited Kingdom, and the official wife of Estel. There is no turning back. She is now his, no longer mine. And that is the sad, brutal truth.

-x-x-x-

The ceremony is over, and I stand here looking out at the scenery before me. My keen ears pick up the footsteps of someone. Without turning, I already know that it is Glorfindel who approaches. He doesn't say anything, but I know he is here only to offer me support, and for that I'm grateful.

I watch as the King of Gondor addresses the people, with Arwen by his side. I do not know what he is saying, but I have close to no doubt that he is thanking them for their support and help in making this day possible. I see a certain Mirkwood prince gesturing to where I stand with Glorfindel. Then he suddenly looks up at me, and everyone else does so too. He locks eyes with me and his words ring clear in my ears, '_Hannon le, adar_.'

I nod to him and turn my focus to Arwen. She curtsies gracefully. Without saying a word, I know she is thanking me. It was her choice to wed him. And it was my choice to let her experience the love I once did. Seeing her happy is enough, no matter how painful it is for me.

As I turn to retreat to my domain, I can hear his words ringing in my ears over and over again, '_Hannon le, adar_.' Adar. He still calls me by that name, although I have long forbidden him to do so. Perhaps everyone needs someone to call his or her father. And it is my privilege to have the King of Gondor call me his.

A lone tear slides down my face.

**The End. **

_rél nin - my daughter_

_Im meleth le, adar - I love you, father_

_A im meleth le - And I love you_

_mellon nin - my friend_

_Hannon le, adar - Thank you, father_


End file.
